If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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