If i come over, it means nothing
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
