I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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