She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
