mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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