I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
