he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
