Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
