I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
