how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
