every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
