I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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