I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
