I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
