my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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