I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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