positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We just shotgunned beers for America
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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