Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
