This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
