my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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