you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's blow job season.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
