Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
