I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Farmville is her only friend.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Pants are for mortals
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
