There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
