i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
