dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
