I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
