I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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