I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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