I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
