Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
