i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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