You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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