OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
