I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm gonna fight the coyote
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
