I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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