i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
