Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
