Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
