We're facebook friends in real life
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i came on her dog
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
