Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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