So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
