So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
