I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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