oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
