One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Small penises have feelings too.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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