Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
