my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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