all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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