I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
