i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
