I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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