tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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