What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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